All Female Reboots for 2018

Ramba

Hardened combat vet Jane Ramba (Kate McKinnon) is languishing in a brutal maximum security prison when her former boss, Col. Johnson (Melissa McCarthy), approaches her with a deal. If Ramba goes to Vietnam to help find  American prisoners of war, she will earn her freedom. Ramba accepts the challenge but swears she won’t engage in violent combat. However, when her new  Vietnamese boyfriend Co Bao (Kristen Wiig), is killed by American forces, Ramba takes matters into her own hands and writes a screenplay based on his life. She calls her old college roommate – now a junior VP at Paramount – to pitch the project. Unfortunately, the friend tells her, the studio is just really focused on its own catalog right now and even then only wants something that can be done with minimal rewrites.

Dead Poets’ Society

Karen Johns (Leslie Jones), a young manager in feature development with a bright career ahead of her, leaves the Hollywood rat race to teach English at an all girls prep school in New England. Once there, she unsettles the staid faculty with her radical teaching methods – in particular, assigning students to write screenplays adapted from source material in the public domain. When the mother (Kate McKinnon) of a promising student (a youthful Kristen Wiig) complains to the headmistress (Melissa McCarthy), Karen loses her job. The student is made to sign an in-perpetuity deal with a pretty decent studio — but, changed forever by Karen’s teaching, stands her ground and shuns convention  by accepting a second semester internship at Sony in rights acquisition.

The Shawshank Redemption

Alicia Hobart (Kate McKinnon) is accused of a brutal crime she didn’t commit – and only two days after being fired from a lucrative SVP position at Warner Brothers. Probably, she suspects, for taking too many meetings with writers pitching original screenplays with no proven built-in audience. Sent to prison, she befriends Justine Lomax (Kristen Wiig), who teaches her how to navigate the tough world of a women’s prison – but more importantly, teaches her about life. Alicia, in return, teaches Justine how to request old screenplays from the prison library and rewrite them without compromising the brand. Alicia is eventually exonerated and leaves Justine behind – but not before securing a three picture deal for her at a mini-major with underutilized IP. Years later they are reunited on the red carpet at the Academy Awards where Alicia pretends not to recognize Justine but later runs into her in the bathroom and asks if she’s got “anything good lying around and ready to go.”

Bladerunner

Junior creative exec Jenny Diaz (Leslie Jones) lives in a nightmarish post-apocalyptic future in which the studios have completely run out of IP to reboot. Nonetheless, the evil studio boss (Melissa McCarthy) insists Jenny find at least four more properties in the vault – preferably tent-poles that could go some way towards reversing the studio’s overall losses from Q4 2017. Jenny intends to obey but not before she meets Megan (Kate McKinnon), a VP of current from a rival studio with a vibrant TV division. Over noodles at a hot new ramen place, Megan tells her that she has at least six anthology series that are not yet fully exhausted. Sadly, Megan’’s time as a TV exec is half that of a normal film exec as the turnover on the small screen side is faster than you can say “development hell”. After hearing that Megan’s been fired, Jenny goes to her house and finds a treatment for a series based on a movie based on a true story folded into an origami turmeric shot on the stoop. Ridley Scott on board to direct.

Jaws

A ferocious she-shark (Kate McKinnon) is terrorizing the idyllic beach side community of Amity Island. Her latest kill? A young exec who probably deserved it because she said something to her boss about “maybe just optioning some totally new stuff for women.” The mayor, Mary Murphy (Leslie Jones), disregards the orders of local police chief Amanda Douglas (Kristen Wiig), and insists the beaches stay open “at very least until LA USD starts back up.” Luckily, an indie film producer (Melissa McCarthy) with a mysterious “story editor” credit that no one understands, happens to be vacationing on the island. She rents a boat and taps a grizzled old sea captain (also played by Melissa McCarthy) to help her capture the beast. They don’t find the shark but the film crew she brought along gets some nice b-roll for a new docudrama she’s developing for Netflix (and based loosely on a British series of the same name).

JFK

1963 – Dallas. The first woman president of the United States, Joan Kennedy (Kate McKinnon), has just been assassinated. Theories as to her killer abound but a young D.A. (Kristen Wiig) with something to prove is the only person brave enough to find the truth. Her investigation leads her to a shell-shocked senior VP of production (Leslie Jones) who is trying desperately to inject some much needed franchise-potential into an otherwise dull biopic. The two of them give up looking for the assassin fairly quickly but succeed in obtaining life rights for nearly all of the still-living secondary characters.

Fried Green Tomatoes

Pretty much exactly the same as the original.